We were at the forefront of the sexual revolution. Co-ed dorms. Birth control pills. Woodstock. Free love. The musical Hair. The movie Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. Pot. Now that we’re FOF, we may not be quite the sex fiends we were, but we still like a good roll in the hay, menopause or no menopause. It’s still possible.

Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice

If you want to start exploring the ways to stay sexually active and healthy, hundreds of websites and products promise help. There’s nothing as smart, however, as talking to your doctor about your sexual issues. If you aren’t ready for that, FOF health and healthcare reporter, Judith Graham, invites you to a web chat she’s having on Tuesday at noon, central time, with two highly regarded medical experts: Dr. Lauren Streicher, assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, and Dr. Sheryl Kingsberg, a professor of psychiatry at Case Western Reserve School of Medicine and co-author of a new online sexual heath curriculum published by the North American Menopause Society.

Judy Graham

Dr.Kingsberg

Judith grew up on Chicago’s North side and now reports for the Chicago Tribune. Her passion for healthcare arises out of her personal experience: her mom had multiple sclerosis for 63 years, throughout Judith’s childhood and most of all adulthood. She loves to read, cook, listen to classicial music, knit, go to the movies and occasionally hike.

Join her chat by clicking on this link on Tuesday, April 5, at noon central time.

I am.

On an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David is at a party celebrating the opening of building wing that his donation helped build. He’s thrilled to see his name on the wall, but when he learns his friend, Ted Danson, is an “anonymous” donor, he gets crazy (or shall I say crazier?) Larry is convinced Ted really wants everyone to know that he’s “anonymous” so he can get more attention.

Is modesty a virtue? Don’t ask Donald Trump. He’ll say no. But if you ask me, I think it is–and isn’t. Touting your talent, for example, can help you land a job. Isn’t that what auditions are all about? Touting your great personality can help attract others to you. Touting your determination can inspire confidence.

On the other hand, touting your wealth is a no-no. FOF Jane is long married to an extremely successful entertainment lawyer in LA. When she buys jewelry, she’d rather buy smaller scale pieces, just because she doesn’t want to “show off.”Talking about your riches, especially to those less fortunate, doesn’t win friends, either. And bragging about all your connections, just to make yourself look more powerful, is tacky. Offering to use your connections to help someone is admirable.

False modesty, however, can seem, well, false. If you’ve succeeded big at something after working hard, it’s better to beam than to say: “Oh, it was nothing.”

My mother probably shouldn’t have become a mother.  She needed all the attention focused on her, preventing her from giving too much of it to little kids who needed plenty of encouragement, affection, and emotional support.  She was pleased as punch to tell everyone, “Geri was toilet trained at 10 months old.”  You read it right. 10 months old!   The quicker she could get me out of diapers, the more time she’d have to focus on herself. It annoyed her to change diapers. That was mom all the way.  If I invited her somewhere that was important to me, and it interfered with her social activities, she wasn’t interested.  When my son was born, she reluctantly came to help me out but I told her to leave after one night because she really wanted to be home with my father, not with her new grandchild.

Joan Crawford's adopted daughter, Christina, says her mother beat her with wire hangers .

But have a child she did. She had three of them, as a matter of fact.  And while I had to figure out, on my own, how to take charge of myself and grow up in one piece, I went to enough therapy to learn how to be in the same room with my mother without cringing. Having a supportive mother-daughter relationship would have been nice, but alas, I didn’t have one. Although I’m certain her personality affected mine, I wasn’t going to change it, no matter how hard I tried.  And try I did. I’d get angry as hell at her when I thought she was acting selfishly.  I even stopped talking to her for six years because I couldn’t be in the same room as her. She really didn’t care.

At the end of the day, we’re all on our own.  If we don’t get the nurturing we need when we’re younger, we can A.) Let it ruin our lives B.) Try all different ways to make up for what we missed, till we hit on one that helps (besides alcoholism and drug abuse. C.) Endlessly blame our parents. D.) Permanently erase our parents from our lives.

I chose B. Although my mother was self-absorbed till the day she died, she eventually told me she loved me.  I believe she did.  The best way she could.

Edgar cheated on me during our 12-year relationship.

Bill Clinton cheated on Hilary.

John Edwards cheated on Elizabeth.

Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer.

Jack Welsh cheated on Jane.

Prince Charles cheated on Diana.

Elizabeth Taylor cheated on Eddie.

Meg Ryan cheated on Dennis, although he cheated on her, too. (see Lynn’s comment below).

Jennifer Lopez cheated on Chris.

Tori Spelling cheated on Charlie.

Many people cheat. Men. And Women. I’m sure you know many who have.

But Tim and FOF friend, Melanie, have never cheated on one another in their 32 years of marriage and never will. I would bet my life on it. If Tim could spend every hour of every day next to Melanie, he would. He wouldn’t cheat anyone, anytime, anywhere. And Melanie, who wants to please Tim 24/7, wouldn’t cheat if George Clooney wanted to take her away with him.

So when Melanie told me she thinks there “should be a little bit of mistrust” in every relationship, I thought she was bonkers. “Why should there be a single shred of mistrust?” I asked. If you don’t trust someone unequivocally who you’ve been with for 32 years, whom do you trust?

Maybe Melanie and Tim’s marriage has been so successful because each of them is always a little scared the other will leave. I couldn’t operate that way. Worrying “a little” that someone I love will leave me or cheat on me seems to be an awful waste of energy. It wouldn’t excite me. I worried about Edgar for 12 years and it didn’t make me want him more. It made me anxious. I don’t do well with anxious. I could have saved a lot of unnecessary anxiety if I had had the guts to leave.

But if a little mistrust excites Melanie and Tim, who am I to complain? I’ve never had a relationship as long lasting as theirs. And I never will.

Maybe they have a point.