“One of the nice things about being FOF is not having to worry about what people think of you,” an FOF friend said the other day.
My friend’s statement gave me pause for thought. I actually never worried what people thought of ME. I worried what my bosses thought of the job I was doing; I worried about what a boy would think of my outfit when I went on a date; I worried whether my dinner guests liked my hollandaise; I worried whether my professor would be impressed with my presentation; I worried whether my friends would like my husband.
I never worried whether people liked my personality, which is the essence of me. I didn’t worry whether they thought I had too much chutzpah, whether I asked too many questions, whether I was too demanding, lively, or even too morose occasionally. I know plenty of people didn’t like my behavior at times, and maybe I should have “worried” about their reactions, but I didn’t. They got the good with the bad. I realize this was probably a cavalier attitude to have had, but have it I did.
Now I’m more sensitive generally, so I do take into account what others think about ME, but I don’t ever worry about it. I don’t worry about much, as a matter of fact. It doesn’t accomplish a thing. Not one single thing.
Of course you’ve heard Maria and Arnold are separating, as in Shriver and Schwarzenegger. They’ve been married 25 years and are now assessing their futures, according to the media. Obviously, their decision didn’t just pop out of thin air.
Arnold is 63 and knows what he wants to do. He’s made a deal to do more Terminator movies. Maria is 55 and she’s not so sure. “Like a lot of you, I’m in transition,” she said for a video she made a couple of months ago for her website, in which she encourages people to be “architects for change.”
Maria’s been a TV journalist, a political wife, a devoted daughter and mother. She organized an annual Women’s Conference in California and she continued to do TV projects during her stint as California’s First Lady. She told USA Today that she’s lived in a “bubble” during the last seven years, which have been “a time of upheaval” for her.
“… when you’re 50 to 55, you start asking yourself ‘Where am I going?’ I see so many women in their 50s who are in this kind of crisis, saying they do not know what they want to do. It can be scary, but it’s a wonderful age and time of opportunity for women. They wonder ‘Can I think of my own needs now? Or do I need to put up with a bad situation anymore?’” said Elaine Ducharme, a psychologist, to USA Today.
Maria may not know what she wants to do, but like many FOFs (women especially), she wants to evolve. I agree with psychologist Elaine. FOF is a time of great opportunity. And who better than FOFs at grabbing opportunity and running with it?
Ninety-five year old Edith Marotto died on Sunday, May 1.
Four days later, her 98-year-old husband, Frank, joined her.
Edith and Frank
They were married for 72 years and lived in Staten Island, New York. They raised three children, and have seven grandchildren and nine great grandchildren. Edith loved baking cookies and pies, especially at holidays. Frank was a church usher for half a century and worked bingo games till he was 94. Everyone adored them.
How many times have we heard stories like this? A surviving spouse of a long-married couple literally dies of a broken heart within days or weeks. I read on the Johns Hopkins website that the stress of a loved one’s death can, indeed, cause a heart attack. Instead, I’d like to think that Frank couldn’t stand the idea of living without Edith. It’s much more romantic than those boring medical explanations.
David and I were marveling just the other day that we’ve survived each other for almost nine years. Seventy-two years! Phenomenal. Brother-in-law, Russ, told me about Edith and Frank. He and FOF sister, Shelley, have been married 40 years. I’m betting on them.
