When Nancy Reagan was First Lady, I studied every photo and news clip of her that I saw, as I do with all First Ladies.  What are these women feeling, being married to the most powerful man in the world?  Are they happy in their roles?  Are they jealous of their husbands? Are they thinking about what dress they’re wearing at dinner next week with the President of Spain?

Photo by Jonathan Becker for Vanity Fair magazine

Nancy’s photos always said the exact same thing to me: “Just look at Ronnie,” I’d imagine her thinking. “I’m the luckiest woman in the world. Now, let’s see, what am I going to wear tonight at the State Dinner?”

No question about it: Nancy was head over heels in love with her man.  And he was her man. She made sure everyone around him knew that, from the mightiest to the meanest, the mildest to the meekest. She adored him, shielded him, advised him (consulting an astrologer about when Ronnie should attend meetings, for example) and comforted him (especially when he was shot.)

Ronnie returned the feelings. Read To Nancy: The Reagan Love Letters for proof. It’s a fascinating account of a love affair that never faded.

I sense that Nancy has been thinking about seeing Ronnie again, ever since he died. (My mother did the same thing.) In the meantime, I hope she has a wonderful birthday.

Hi FOFriends – I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve been invited to join the Fashion Flash circle, a collection of leading fashion, health and beauty blogs for women over 40.

This week’s news from the circle:

• What Bill Gates and exercise have in common

• How to wear a fedora the right way

• The coolest way to dress for the office

• The best way to keep your summer skin glowing

• What’s hot in the world of couture shoes

Find out the answers to these questions and more….

Meet this weeks Fashion Flash host, Staness of The Menopause Makeover.

David is a highly respected New York defense attorney, so we had a lot to talk about between the Casey Anthony and DSK cases. I ask him non-stop questions and have learned quite a bit about the workings of the law. David calls it “the system.”

 

The DSKs

 

Casey and Caylee

Whether or not you agree with the hysterical media–which convicted both of the defendants–isn’t really the issue. The jury in the Anthony trial didn’t feel the prosecutor proved the charges “beyond a reasonable doubt.” And the prosecutors in the DSK case admitted they don’t have enough credible evidence to move forward. Those are the facts.

DSK had to be arrested based on the accusation and the circumstances, because he was, indeed, a flight risk.  But unlike the overwhelming majority of accused men and women sitting in jails awaiting trial, DSK’s renown prompted the case to move ahead quickly and the lies of the hotel maid to be exposed.

 

 

Scottish juries return verdicts of “proven,” “not proven,” or “not guilty,” David told me. The last verdict means the jury thinks the defendant is more innocent than guilty, but either way, the jury is saying it didn’t get the proof it needed to convict.

Casey Anthony may be a liar. She may even be a murderer, but the prosecutor failed to meet its burden. The jury wasn’t swayed by public opinion or emotion.  I think that’s a good thing.

The cover story of yesterday’s New York Times Magazine, titled “Infidelity Keeps Us Together,” presents a strong case for couples who agree that monogamy isn’t the end-all, be-all to maintaining a successful relationship. ”Treating monogamy, rather than honesty or joy or humor, as the main  indicator of a successful marriage gives people unrealistic expectations of themselves and their partners,” says the article, explaining the views of Dan Savage, who writes the popular sex-advice column, Savage Love.

“The mistake that straight people made was imposing the monogamous expectations on men. Men were never expected to monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitarian and fairsey,” Savage, who is gay, told the NYT writer. He maintains that the feminist revolution, rather than giving women the “same latitude and license and pressure-release valve that men had always enjoyed,” instead imposed on men the “confines women had always endured. And it’s been a disaster for marriage.”

 

Dan Savage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is unrealistic to ask our husbands or wives to be all things sexually for us, Savage asserts. Although he still thinks monogamy is the right choice for many couples, it isn’t necessarily  the only choice or the superior choice. Couples should discuss how they want their vows to work, Savage explained to the NYT writer. If a couple wants to be exclusive, then they have to be extremely “good, giving and game,” he added. “If you are expected to be monogamous, then you have to be whores for each other. You have to be up for anything.”

Those who are about to make commitments need to look at the failed monogamous relationships all around and talk together about  what it will mean if either of them should cheat. “They should place a higher value on the relationship itself than on one component to it, sexual exclusivity,” Savage said. That’s apparently what Hillary Clinton and Silda Spitzer decided to do, even it’s unlikely they talked about the subject of monogamy when they married.

The older I get, the more I agree monogamy isn’t what it’s cracked up to be; at least, not for everyone.

P.S.  I recommend reading the full article.