Whether tomorrow is just another day off, or one of the most significant days of the year, I wish all my FOF friends…
Card by Simone (www.simonebrin.com)
When I think of all the times I let someone infuriate me, it makes me furious. Why did I give anyone the power to upset me so much?
At least she has good teeth
Getting mad is such a colossal waste of time. It saps our energy and our focus. Anger is enervating. It actually makes us angrier. We want to get back and lash out because we think someone has wronged us, lied to us, been unappreciative or ungrateful, selfish or downright mean. We may seek retribution in one form or another.
Sure, counting to 10 helps dissipate anger, but it’s not the best way to make it go away permanently. The best solution is not to get angry in the first place. I’ve learned this bit of wisdom from my youngest sister, who maintains her utmost cool through all kinds of situations and with all kinds of people, no matter how much they might irritate, upset or concern her.
It may seem impossible at times to stay calm and cool, but once you see the affect it has (on yourself and on others), you’ll find it easier to do over and over again.
My Christmas, post Chanukah and New Year’s gift to all of my FOF friends is a smattering of my sister’s teachings about anger management. By, the way, she is one of the most FOF women on the face of the planet. Here goes…
1. When someone curtly dismisses your sales overtures: Calmly tell them how sorry you are that you disturbed them and that you hope you can talk to them about so-and-so soon since you think they would benefit from what you have to say.
2. When someone tries to take advantage of your generosity or good nature, impinge on your private time or ask for something they have no right to ask: Say “NO.” Dispense with the discussions and debates. Just say “NO.”
3. When someone doesn’t do it the way you want, expect or deserve: Repeat your expectations calmly and forcefully without raising your voice.
4. When someone violently disagrees with you or vice versa: Quietly state your position and move on.
5. When someone is getting madder and madder: Stop and say to yourself, “She’s probably getting worked up because she has a problem.” Try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, instead of working yourself into a fevered pitch.
Don’t look back at anger. Just don’t get angry.
When Paris was going to pot
I tried marijuana at a couple of New Year’s Eve parties in the early seventies and became absolutely giddy. I remember laughing at everything. About a decade later, I was offered a “joint” before lunching with a friend who owned an ad agency. (In those years, marijuana and ad agencies were synonymous. It was cool to get “high.”)
The” joint” hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I was hovering in the air and watching myself below. I would utter a sentence, and by the time I was finished with it, I’d forget what I said. I became frantic and told my friend I had to get home. That blend was obviously more potent than the one I had years before. I couldn’t stand the feeling of being out of control. Being in control was my modus operandi. When LSD was the talk of the town in the sixties, the thought of experimenting scared the bejeezus out of me.
The “pot” experiences, as well as one attempted fling with cocaine when I was around 31 (it had no affect, whatsoever), constitute the extent of my drug use. Unless you include the Percocet I took after major surgery.
I know I have an addictive personality (I did, at one stage, enjoy more cigarettes, martinis and wine than the law should have allowed), but drugs have never held a great deal of appeal for me. Unfortunately, the increasing accessibility of prescription painkillers, not to mention cocaine and pot, is providing a great escape for many young people today.
I recently witnessed one young woman almost lose her life to drugs. At the urging and intervention of her FOF mother, she entered rehab and is well on her way to resuming a productive–and hopefully, happy–life. It’s not always easy getting to be an FOF woman.
I grew up expecting to some day become a wife and a mother. I became both, but something else also defined my life, my career. Although I never would have dreamt I’d be a successful career woman, I could never dream of myself without my work at this point in my life.
Women hard at work
I was married for many years to an artist. Though immensely talented, he would have been a starving artist, and I the wife of one, if I hadn’t worked. So I worked, and worked, and worked. I worked as a reporter, an editor and a publisher, as a public relations director for a company that manufactured men’s electric shavers and as a newspaper writer for a New York City tabloid. A few of my bosses were super smart and taught me a ton. Others weren’t so smart. I became a boss myself, sometimes a good one, other times, not so good. I had great times and tortured times. I made wonderful friends as well as a few enemies along the way.
I met Hilary Clinton, Madeleine Albright, Donald Trump and Martha Stewart, who reduced one of my employees to tears. I was friends with the men who invented Cuisinarts and Calphalon cookware, interviewed Julia Child and was invited to a July 4 bash at the home of Craig Claiborne, the influential New York Times restaurant critic in the seventies.
Eventually, I started my own business, where I created a magazine for plus-size women, a summit for high-level businesswomen and one that brought together women in government, science, academics, the arts and business. I published two kid’s books and wrote a fashion book. I had more than my share of horrendous, talent-depraved clients and, thankfully, terrific clients. I’ve earned good money some years; others, practically nothing.
I am grateful for every moment and for traveling a path that led me to the place I am now. I have no doubt that every single job, boss, client, success and failure bought me here. I’ve learned what I do well and what I shouldn’t be doing. I’ve learned to search out the people who stimulate me and to avoid those who are poisonous. I now understand when to push extra hard and when to lie in the weeds, and that worrying accomplishes absolutely nothing.
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