“Being alone is very difficult.” — Yoko Ono
2012 February 29
When FOF sister, Shelley, and I passed by a neighborhood coffee shop today, she announced, “I could never eat at a restaurant alone. I love being by myself, but that’s one thing I wouldn’t ever do.”
“Why do you feel this way?” I asked. “I love to eat out alone.”
“I think people would see me and say to themselves, ‘Look at that woman. She doesn’t have anyone.’”
“But you do have someone,” I answered, of course referring to Rusty, her husband of 41 years.
Irrational or not, we all have things that make us insecure, and Shelley’s thing is eating at a restaurant alone. I don’t like it when the music starts at a wedding, or other event, signaling the start of dance time. Always the tallest girl in grade school, I’d sit on the sidelines while all the short boys (it takes them longer to mature) danced with the shorter girls. Over the years, I’ve thought of taking dance lessons, but now they’re not on my list of 100 things to do before I die.
Some women won’t go unescorted to dinner parties, movies, or on a trip. I adore going to the movies alone. Besides, who talks to her companion during a movie, anyway? While I’d rather take a trip with someone stimulating, I wouldn’t hesitate to travel alone if I couldn’t find someone to go with me.
My mother never dined out without my dad, a friend or relative, but when daddy died, she was comfortable having dinner at a restaurant by herself. Sometimes we’re forced to do things that take us out of our comfort zone, but I do think it’s worthwhile trying them when we don’t have to.
I’d love to know how you feel about being alone?
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My work in public relations for the lifestyle and hospitality industry takes me out at night for dinners and drinks. I relish a meal solo when I travel, or when I am out during the day running errands, or between meetings, stopping by a favorite lunch spot and enjoying my own company. In my twenties I couldn’t fathom dining alone, in my insecurity I thought onlookers would assume I had no partner, no friends. That mood didn’t last long, I love a quiet table, my book, notebook, newspaper while I slowly appreciate the good food set before me. I do not like to travel for leisure alone, however. I am a Libra with many planets in my 7th house of friendship and relationships. I adore good company.
ps: And, yes, going to films solo is a relished treat! walking solo to ponder, take the sights, I like it. But I am basically one who needs another.
I am single, and have been for almost nine years. I have always considered myself on the shy side, but I discovered that, even single I still deserved and needed to remember and celebrate that I was attractive and fun. I go out with friends,but more likely I am by myself. I travel, go to movies, dinner or lunch, and concerts, by myself. Sometimes I have to push myself, but I always think, If I don’t go by myself, I have to stay at home alone. Although I have recently retired and fixed my apartment with all the things I desired to make it my “private Haven” , sometimes I would rather just be out and about. I paint with watercolor, do chinese watercolor, craft and take photographs to paint. Hobbies are essential to my life. I even went to the 2011 FOF Beauty Bash by myself and had an awesome time!
A few years ago, I found I’d have time to kill between work and an evening meeting. Rather than run home and get involved with something there, and maybe be late for my meeting I started going to town and having dinner myself. At first it was weird to say the least, I’d make sure I had something to occupy my time with – a magazine or book. I’d be served, eat my dinner in a hurry – there was no-one to talk with to pace myself with conversation, so I’d eat and leave and be early for my meeting. It took quite a while before I was comfortable with that. Then as the marriage went further and further south I found myself even more comfortable.
Years after he left and the kids were grown and doing their own thing, I decided I’m not sitting home alone like some pathetic old biddy on New Year’s Eve. So I began my tradition of going to a movie by myself. Granted you don’t talk in the theater, but you do on the way there and back. But I’d go to the movies and try to be in the theater around midnight. Then drive home – the roads were safe because all the party goers were still at their parties at midnight. I’d declare I have my new years date with …… whom ever was the leading actor – one or two years it was Johnny Depp – not a bad date for NYE!
Now I’m trying to get myself to go to the symphony and live theater by myself. I’ve done one cabaret show, that wasn’t too good – sitting at tables with other – in my case a family who weren’t overly friendly. In time, I’m learning. The History Museum is a great place to go by yourself, you can take as much time as you like!
I was in my 20s, already married, when I ate a meal in a restaurant alone for the first time. I was uncomfortable at first but I pulled out a magazine. It was a prop because what I really wanted to do was take in the people around me and watch the bustle of activity by the waitstaff.
I don’t need props anymore. I have found waitstaff that are more than willing to engage me in conversation, giving me more attention that I’d ever get if I wasn’t alone. Even nearby diners will speak up a bit to get my attention and eventually include me in their conversations for a little while.
I do just about everything alone these days by choice. I like being viewed as an individual instead of part of a couple or group. I’ve also gone to social gatherings alone, always happy that I did that rather than stay home.
Being a Spicy Spinster, I learned long ago the joys of my own company. While it’s nice to share experiences most of the time; being alone with my own thoughts, doing what I want without considering anyone elses agenda or time is less stressful. Food can taste better if you don’t have to justify the fattening sauce you just had or the desert you ordered. Furthermore, I love to browse and feel irritated when others want to zip into a shop, get what they want and get going.
Sometimes I miss my youthful days when I was a flight attendant on layovers by myself. I didn’t have to consider anyone’s activity priorities but my own.
Life is precious whether you’re having fun with someone or if you’re savoring by yourself. As the young people say, “It’s all good!”
I don’t have a problem eating out alone, although I would prefer to have something to read to occupy me while I wait for my meal. I have also been known to go to a movie alone occasionally. I am a loner of sorts anyway, but I occasionally feel compelled to be in the company of friends and be sociable.
It always seemed easy and natural to dine alone on a business trip in an unfamiliar city; but I used to feel awkward dining alone or going to a movie solo in my home city. But I shop alone and run errands alone. Why not dine or see a movie alone? And as a FOF, why should I worry what someone else thinks? And dining alone is the best opportunity to really view your surroundings and do some fabulous people watching! Being alone does not mean being lonely. I love my “alone time.”
I’ve been receiving mail from FOF since it’s inception but today is the first time I’ve actually started looking at all there is to offer. This blog is especially meaningful since I’ve been trying to cope with being alone for 5 years now (divorce) and reading other’s thoughts and experiences is something of a comfort. I’m hoping that instead of feeling that being alone is “hard” I will start to find new experiences and opportunities that I didn’t “see” before. Thanks.
I love being alone! I jealously guard my time. That is, when I’m not working, or hanging out with a friend or family member. I’ve been divorced so long I can’t fathom sharing my home with anyone. I’m spoiled as rotten as I can possibly be (I don’t have money, but I have good health, albeit too many pounds), and I love being able to text, answer my phone or not; connect with folks via social media. I wouldn’t mind having a gentleman friend to fly me to Europe now and then, but he’d have to live in his own house, not mine. It’s great being a lady “of a certain age” !