Daughter, can you spare a dime?
2010 March 4
Let’s say your children had lots of money and you needed or wanted some of it for one of the following: 1.) To make ends meet 2.) To take an around- the- world cruise you’ve always dreamed of taking 3.) To help you put the down payment on a new car.
Would you ask them to help?
My answer: A resounding yes, in all three cases.
I would not be self-conscious if I needed to/wanted to ask for my children’s help (provided I wasn’t being foolish or unreasonable.) I am financially generous to my children and I would hope they’d be the same to me. Money is just money. If my kids had enough of it, and it wouldn’t cramp their lifestyles to give a little to me–no matter the reason–I’d ask.
What’s the worst thing that could happen?
They wouldn’t give it to me.
I offered to help out my dad many years ago when he was struggling. I knew he was too proud to ask. It saddens me and my sisters that he died before we started making respectable livings. We’d be spoiling him rotten today.
FOF women don’t look at money the same way our folks did.
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Amen! My parents are the same way and I’m 27. I still leave them a check because I know they wouldn’t tear it up when I’m not around but it’s just easier if they just accepted it and said thank you.
My children will have to work for their living, likely support families, and will not be rolling in discretionary cash. (If they are billionaires, they can buy us an apt. in Paris.) So, given their likely circumstances:
Help me make ends meet: I’d only ask for temporary help, as a loan and would rather it be non-monetary help, such as moving into their spare bedroom for some months.
Cruise around world: It is not up to my children (or anyone else) to fund my dreams: I either do that by work or luck (winning the lottery”) or just keep dreaming. If my children tried to give me a lavish gift like a big cruise, I’d have difficulty accepting if I knew they were carrying serious debt.
Car down payment: I have managed my finances for over 40 years, and realize that I own a depreciating asset that has to be replaced every x years, so I have been saving for the down payment. Or I’d do the noble thing and give up owning a car. A car is a luxury, not an inalienable right.
The money I spent rearing and educating my children was not an IOU. I have a goal of not having to ask them to give me money. They can “pay it forward” with their children. T
In dire emergencies, this would of course be revisited.
This is a different point of view than yours, which I respect.