I threw out my scorecard
2010 January 20
I always thought people would do unto me as I did unto them. If I was a generous friend, my friends would be generous back. If I was a hardworking boss, my employees would work hard, too. If I was an honest vendor, my clients would be honest.
I became horribly upset, even angry, when someone disappointed me, which invariably was the case. If an employee didn’t live up to my standards, my patience ran out. I fired far too many people back in the day. If I thought a friend was acting selfishly, I defriended her. If a client lied to me, I was beside myself.
Now that I’m FOF, I know relationships aren’t always balanced. My expectations were completely unrealistic. Sometimes you give more than you get, or the other way around. If you know the people in your life are good, loving and honest, you don’t keep a scorecard on their every move.
10 Responses
leave one →
True dat.
excellent way to put it LPC
G
There really is not way to put some sort of point values on stuff – this is like when my kids used to bid for household jobs and used to value cleaning the bathroom higher than washing dishes because of the ‘disgust factor.” I gave up long ago trying to deal with scorecards because I always felt on the short end of things..wasn’t worth it and no one else seemed to understand why I was upset.
Hi Toby,
“Disgust factor” concept is totally clever of your kids. Thank you for your comment. Have a good evening.
Best,
Geri
Even though I’m FOF (or rather FOS-ixty), I still get disappointed…what’s up with that? And I still believe that if you deliver more than you’ve promised that it will come back to you, with the opposite being true – that if you cheat (and lie and steal too), it will also come back to you. I might not live that long, but I’m happier with myself in the end and can hopefully pass the karma onto someone younger.
Hi Claire
I am FOS too, but we are also FOF
I get disappointed as well, but it passes quickly.
G
Really well put.
But you’re right; it’s a lesson learned with age.
In youth, we think we have the right to all these expectations of people.
And we really don’t.
Hi Maureen,
Thank you. It’s a shame we can’t be born as smart as we are now.
But I guess better late than never, right?
G
Gretchen Rubin wrote about this on her “Happiness Project” blog. See http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2006/12/in_which_i_cont.html . She made “No calculation” one of her “12 personal commandments.” We don’t realize just how much scorekeeping we do every day and how much unhappiness it brings. I’m a prime offender there…
Hi Nomi
I am happy to know about Gretchen’s Happiness Project. Thank you for your comment.
Best,
Geri