I never cared about the results of blood tests when I was younger. I always expected the results to  be normal, whatever normal was. Now I study the results like I’m ready to take my SAT test. What’s a normal level of glucose in the blood? Is HDL good or bad cholesterol? Is my WBC (white blood count) within acceptable limits?

I’ve learned that markers in the blood are important because they can tell us if something is wrong or about to go wrong. For example, low levels of hemoglobin could signify loss of blood due to anemia or internal bleeding cause by cancer; an elevated white blood count could mean you’re fighting an infection; if you don’t have sufficient vitamin D3, your bones  won’t stay strong.

But—and this is a big but–all doctors don’t order the same battery of tests, nor do they all interpret the results the same way. A more conservative doctor will prescribe a statin drug to lower an overall cholesterol count of 200, while another won’t recommend a thing if your individual HDL (good) and LDL (bad) numbers are in line. One cardiologist will prescribe blood pressure meds if your pressure goes modestly north of 120/80, while another doesn’t think you need them.

A new internist I recently saw called to tell me the results of a T4 free test I took. That was a test I had never heard of,  ”You might have an underactive thyroid,” she told me over the phone while I was waiting to get a manicure.  ”That could lead to problems with cholesterol, weight, and other things. You need to see an endocrinologist. I can recommend one.”

I am already under the care of an endocrinologist for my bones, so I didn’t need a recommendation, but I thought how could I possibly have an underactive thyroid when I have as much energy as ever and have lost weight? Then, when I did some digging on the Internet, I learned that many labs would absolutely not consider the results of my T4 Test to be out of normal range. When I spoke to my endocrinologist, she told me that “guru” docs in her field don’t even use the T4 test, except in extreme circumstances, when a patient is exhibiting signs of an underactive or overactive thyroid, and that results of other tests showed my thyroid is completely fine.

When I brought this up with the internist, she didn’t budge from her original position.

What’s an FOF to do? This FOF decided to trust her current endocrinologist. If anyone will know she has an under active thyroid–without taking a test–it’s moi.

Moral of the story: We must insert ourselves into the process of managing our own health. Doctors are not Gods. Even great doctors make mistakes and their judgements aren’t foolproof.

Mary Cassatt's "Mother and Child"

I had a delightful Mother’s Day, but I couldn’t help but think of all the moms who didn’t have their children with them today: The moms who lost their children in tragic accidents and in wars; the moms whose children committed suicide; the moms and kids who no longer communicate; the moms who lost their children to sickness.

My heart goes out to these mothers, all over the world, because the very moment a woman becomes a mom, something irrevocably changes inside of her. Her child becomes a part of her soul, and if the physical child goes away forever, her soul interminably cries out in despair.

I celebrate every single one of these moms today.

When I met Edgar in 1988, my clothes of choice were short, slim skirts and dresses, pencil style slacks, fitted sweaters and sexy high-heeled shoes. I had recently lost 50 pounds and wanted to show off my svelte body. Edgar, a non-practicing Southern Baptist living in oh-so-waspy New Canaan, CT, dressed accordingly: Blue blazer, white shirt, loafers and khakis. As we spent more time together, my style morphed into Pure Preppy. I even bought a wool plaid kilt that closed with a honest-to-goodness kilt pin and a pleated winter white skirt from Burberry of London, with matching cable-knit sweater. The darn kilt scratched like crazy and the pleated number spent a great deal of time in the dry cleaners, but I was determined not to let those piddling matters get in the way of my preppy persona.

When I gained back the weight—and then some—after staying slim for over 15 years, I became a fan of Eskandar. The designer’s over-sized sweaters and shirts, worn over his pants with drawstring waists, were anything but becoming on a big woman, but they helped me “hide” what I hated.

Fact is none of those three looks was the true Geri Brin. They didn’t reflect my inner nature—which is a bit unorthodox and resistant to too much structure—nor did they have anything to do with the way I moved, the shape of my features—from my long, thin face to my ample hips and big feet—or the pitch of my voice. I don’t have a sexy personality, nor do I move in an especially sexy way.  But I thought maybe I’d be sexy if I wore sexy clothes.

And, goodness knows, the only preppy things I’m linked to are my Ivy-League educated sister and husband and their two Ivy-League educated sons.  Looking like the female equivalent of Edgar wasn’t the secret to a successful relationship.

Trying to find myself a few years ago

The opposite of sexy, Eskandar’s generously sized, limp pieces were comfortable, but they made me feel even more uncomfortable than I felt being overweight. Big clothes, I learned, actually make big women look and feel bigger.

At sixty-five I think I’ve finally connected the way I dress with the inner me as well as with my outer features and movements, which tend to be on the speedy side. I like easy clothes with some shape—boyfriend style jeans, sweatshirt style sweaters, dresses whose skirts flow modestly but have some shape up top, leggings with big tops that fall about three inches below my tush, I always wear my collars up and my sleeves rolled. I love soft fabrics but they need to have enough weight and shape so they don’t hang over every curve and bulge. Once my favorite colors, navy and gray will never grace my body. Once colors I detested, khaki green and chocolate brown are my new loves.

Always trying different looks

When I heard about an online program called Dressing Your Truth, by FOF Carol Tuttle, I was curious if Carol would confirm that my style reflects the “true me.” The foundation of DYT is called your Personal Beauty Profile. Are you “Bright and Animated,” “Subtle and Soft,” “Rich and Dynamic,” or “Bold and Striking?” Carol asks. Of course, we can each have a bit of all these characteristics, but Carol asserts we’re most like one or the other. “Beauty Profiling is not focused on putting beauty on, but on your inner source of beauty—the real you,” Carol writes in the introduction of her book Discovering Your Personal Beauty Profile. “What you will learn is that your outer beauty truly starts with your inner beauty, and when you know the truth about your inner beauty—your Beauty Profile—you’ll be ready to adorn your body to show your true beauty through your outer appearance.” That’s a lot of talk about beauty, but I get it!

“The baby boomer generation carries the most cultural conditioning,” Carol told me. “We grew up thinking we weren’t feminine unless we resembled Twiggy and looked good in mini skirts.”  So true, I thought. Fashion magazines held us in thrall, which, when you think about it now, was pretty ridiculous since the fashion editors were 24 and the art directors were young gay men.  These self-anointed style gurus had as much business telling us what we should look like as my great aunt Tilly. But we listened and many of us grew up hating our bodies. Our mothers didn’t help our image issues, either.

“Many women who stayed home grew up feeling lost if they weren’t fashionistas who read Vogue. They felt lost and unenthusiastic. As they got older, they started to dress like their grandmothers but blamed their age and their weight—not the clothes they chose—for looking frumpy, Carol explains. “You’ll age if your clothes and hair style don’t suit you.”

Carol’s online classroom is designed to help you “know your inner truth and feel confident and secure in your appearance.” Once you’ve learned what type you are (I’m supposedly Type 3—Rich and Dynamic—which Carol defines as “active, reactive, textured, angular, substantial and swift,”) the program offers courses and loads of support material for each Beauty Profile. You’ll learn what clothes look best on you (square or V-necklines, pointed collars and A-line or pleated skirts look best, for example, on Type 3); your best colors (brown); textures (grainy, bumpy, rough and ribbed); what metals to wear (gold, bronze, copper and brass), and even how to wear your hair (textured and angled).

Carol’s site has videos, community forums and live monthly Dressing Your Truth Club night broadcasts, covering subjects from emotional issues to how to grow your career.

“Where the fashion world left you guessing, Dressing Your Truth makes you your own beauty expert,” Carol explains. “You can throw out all your preconceived ideas about what FOFs should and shouldn’t do and start learning how to follow your instincts and use your natural beauty and inner nature to develop a style you can call your own.”

Last year, I took a trip to Paris, France. The moment I stepped into Miller et Bertaux on Rue Ferdinand Duval, I knew I was going to buy something. I am wearing my purchases, a featherweight raincoat in eggplant… and a gorgeous silk dress and scarf—with an ever-so-slightly different pattern—that designer Francis Miller adjusts perfectly.

Although my favorite jewelry is silver and I am not a big fan of pleats, I like Carol’s philosophy and approach to style, and agree with her Type 3 assessment of me. We don’t really need to ask our husband if our butt looks fat in those pants or the saleswoman at Macy’s if she likes the way we look in that dress. And surely the beauty “expert” at Kohl’s doesn’t really know if red lipstick and blue eye shadow suit us? It’s really up to each of us.

When FOF editor, Sara, asked me to comment on a list that Glamour Magazine published in 1997 advising 30-year-old women what they need to know and have, I thought: Why not create our own list for women about to become FOF? So here it is. I hope it will make you smile, nod and maybe give you pause. I’d love to hear what you’d have on your list that we don’t have on ours and what you’d scratch off this one.

Glamour’s list went viral (or as viral as anything could go back then). Let’s make this one really viral so every single woman about to turn FOF (and even those who have a few years to go) will benefit from our great wisdom

What Every FOF Should Have:

1. Her own income

2. A close girl friend at least 20 years her junior

3. A child under 10 whom she adores, and who adores her…either her own or someone else’s

4. A signature look

5. A signature scent

   

6. A woman at least 20 years her senior, whom she adores and who adores her…either her mother or someone else’s

7. Orgasms

8. A really great haircut and really great color

9. A colonoscopy

10. A full-body skin check

    

11. A mate who accepts her lock, stock and barrel

12. A home that makes her smile every time she walks through the door

13. A mentor, personal or professional

14. A cause that excites her passions

15. A ridiculously expensive handbag

16. A sense of humor

17. A great traveling companion

18. An indulgent dessert at least twice a month

    
    

19. An internist who knows her and her body well and will return her calls any time of day

20. A network of FOFs who can help her solve almost any problem in the universe

21. A cool pair of glasses (if you need them); if not, a cool pair of sunglasses

22. One piece of drop-dead jewelry

23. Enough savings to make her feel secure

24. A top-notch financial advisor who makes her feel secure about her investments

25. A mammogram

    
    

What Every FOF Should Know:

1. What colors really become her

2. How to keep her heart healthy

3. How to read maps

4. How to keep a secret

5. How and where to use a screwdriver, hammer and pliers

   
   

6. When to shut up

7. When to talk up

8. That smoking is unbecoming and will kill her

   
   

9. It’s not all about sex

10. Money and power don’t make someone nice

11. How to be generous, emotionally and financially

12. How to accept criticism

13. How to accept help when you need it

14. When to leave her children alone

    

15. When not to leave her children alone

16. How to say no without offending anyone

17. How to choose a perfect gift

18. It doesn’t pay to detest your ex

19. That skinny isn’t a synonym for sexy

20. The five miracle cures for menopause

21. How to balance a checkbook

22. How to sew on a button, roast a chicken, hang a picture, iron a shirt

23. How to smile

    
    

24. What her financial advisor is doing with her money

25. How to change a tire