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“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.” Oprah Winfrey

2010 September 2
by Geri

FOF Jana’s life changed the day she sat next to a mother and her little adopted Chinese daughter at a café in Nordstrom. Jana was 42, owned a boutique PR agency and was married for 12 years to a successful contractor, eight years her senior. The moment she saw the little girl, she knew she wanted to adopt a Chinese baby, too.

When Jana decides she wants something, she goes after it, she told me. “Patience is not my virtue,” she said. But she didn’t know how her husband, Bill, would react to the news.  He was 50 and, like her (at least, up until then), had no interest in having a child.

They had, however, just bought an adorable Pomeranian, so when a friend let the proverbial cat out of the bag and said, “That’s really exciting about the baby,” Bill answered, “Yes, I just love this,” referring to the dog. Jana explained this wasn’t quite the “baby” she had in mind. “Let’s go for it,” he quickly said when he found out the facts.

Jana and Emily

Fast forward to now, ten years later. Jana and Bill have a beautiful eight-year-old daughter, Emily, who came into their lives when she was six-months old. At a day old, Emily was left at a Chinese post office, so Jana refers to her birth mother as “The Mail Lady.”

The adoption process, which took over two years, was thankfully completed right before China halted adoptions. “When we picked her up, a group of other children came running out in their little matching PJs, but Emily was brought to us with mismatched clothes, without a diaper and all wet,” Jana recalls.

Now a happy, thriving young girl, Emily is an excellent gymnast and lives with her parents and grandmother in a 10,000-square-foot home in Toluca Lake, CA. “Every morning we hear Emily running across the house to see her 80-year-old grandmother, who she calls ‘Yaya,’” Jana said.

“I am a good person. I always want to help people, especially military men,” Jana added. “We’ve traveled with Emily to 38 countries, visiting and giving to orphanages in places like India and Africa. Emily is God’s gift back to me.

“I could not have had a child like this myself.”

Jana is another supreme example of  what it means to be FOF.

P.S. Jana remains friends with the mother she sat next to at a café 10 years ago.  She and her daughter come to Jana and Bill’s home during the  holidays.

Two simple stories about looks

2010 September 1
by Geri

Story #1

My happily married FOF friend has a man friend who is attracted to her. He knows she loves her husband and he’s never come out and actually told her how he feels. She just feels it. The man’s wife died years ago. He dates.

My friend enjoys this man’s company, but she isn’t attracted in the least attracted to him. She also has a great sex life with her husband. However, she is flattered by her friend’s attraction. I would be, too. It’s sexy when people think you’re appealing. Doesn’t mean you’re running off to have an affair with them.

Story #2

The other day, while I was out with my 28-year-old daughter, I told her I wished I could lose a little weight.  She answered, “You were really thin two years ago, but why does it matter now?  You don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at her reaction. “I want to look good for myself,” I quietly explained.

After all, that’s what FOFs do.

Love thy neighbors, and their baby, too

2010 August 31
by Geri

How cute is this baby!

Kristin and Conrad, a newly married couple, moved into the apartment across the hall from us about a year ago.  They have a gorgeous and sweet Labrador, Hanna, and are expecting a baby boy in November.

I ran into Conrad yesterday while we were walking our respective dogs and he told me he and Kristin are interviewing pediatricians and getting the nursery ready for their baby.  I’m not sure how old Conrad is, but I guess early forties.  His excitement was palpable.

When David told me Kristin was pregnant, I thought it would be nice to offer my babysitting services, which is just what I told Conrad yesterday. “Please feel free to call me if you and Kristin want to go out for the evening. I will grab my iPad and sit in your place as easily as I do in my own,” I told him.

Although I’m not chomping at the bit to be a grandmother quite yet, I am in favor of perpetuating the human race.  And I do like to be generous to my neighbors. Kristin and Conrad’s apartment isn’t humongous and they’re surely going to want a night out alone sooner rather than later. I’m certain the baby will cry the entire time I’m babysitting and I’ll have to hold him for three hours straight, but hey, I get to go home—alone —at some point.

Conrad seemed genuinely pleased by my offer. It really is fun to make good people happy, and usually so easy. It’s something I try to do as often as possible.

Steps, not strides

2010 August 30
by Geri

We all know women love to work. Confirmation: Almost 60 percent of the 122 million of us in the U.S., age 16 or over, participated in the labor force in 2009, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Some other interesting facts I wanted to share with my FOF friends:

Fewer women than men were unemployed in 2009: 8.1 percent v. 10.3 percent.

Women comprised 46.8 percent of the total U.S. labor force and are projected to account for 46.9 percent in 2018.

Women are projected to account for 51.2 percent of the increase in the total labor force growth between 2008 and 2018.

Among the most prevalent occupations for employed women in 2009 were:

Secretaries and administrative assistants: 3,074,000

Registered nurses: 2,612,000

Elementary and middle school teachers: 2,343,000

Cashiers: 2,273,000

Nursing, psychiatric and home health aides: 1,770,000

We also know women earn less than men. Confirmation: The median weekly earnings of women who were full-time wage and salary workers was $657, or 80 percent, of the $819 that men earn. When comparing the median weekly earnings of people aged 16 to 24, young women earned 93 percent of what young men earned ($424 and $458 respectively.)

At least the second set of figures is an improvement. Maybe that means women are getting a little more equal in the United States. Younger women have FOF women to thank for that,  as far as I’m concerned.

But women still have a long way to go.